Prescription Medication, the Panacea that will keep us happy forever.
by C. M. Albrecht
Didja ever notice? (My chance to be comedian for a day, well for a few minutes).
If you take any one (or better yet, half a dozen) of those medications constantly hyped to us on our TVs, (despite side effects more frightening than the threat of a North Korean prison), you no longer have to work for a living.
All day, you just lie around in a hammock, or lie by the pool sipping cool refreshment, or even swim if that’s your pleasure. You walk your dogs in the park and schmooze with other dog walkers who’re on the same medication(s). You take long leisurely walks along trails past bubbling brooks and yes, even do a little mountain climbing.
Or you can hook up the trailer and go traveling. You can go anyplace and park your trailer at the very edge of a sheer thousand foot drop and confidently stand there hugging your companion while you contentedly contemplate the beauty of nature. You go driving, hiking, biking and running. You’re bursting with the energy you need to play with your grandchildren and you can even go sky-diving, enjoy that cruise to the Bahamas and best of all, if you can afford two bathtubs, you and your loved one can pig out on Cialis and, sitting side by side and holding hands across the short abyss, contemplate the marvelous colors of the setting sun. And of course, once out of the tub, no matter where you are, be it at the tennis court, the club, the swimming pool, maybe even in church? That urge comes on and Cialis has you covered. Don’t worry about prurient onlookers. They’re only jealous of you, a ninety-year old man humping a gasping woman like she’s never been humped before.
In my case, I can’t afford to stop working long enough to enjoy the benefits of all these (mostly very expensive) medications, and in the case of most of them, I’d probably have to bribe my doctor to get them, or order on the Internet from Canada or Mexico (shipped in a plain brown wrapper). And if the item is OTC I can order today and they’ll double the offer. Trouble there is I just can’t afford to pay the separate shipping and handling – and, by the way, neither can you.
So even if I had all the pep, sense of well-being and youthfulness bursting at every seam, I couldn’t afford to stop working long enough to leave town for more than a day. Bummer.